Someone Different

Long Time Ago

2010-08-27T09:51:00.000-07:00

It has been a while since i wrote something here, I even forgot how to login and took sometime to remember my username and password.

These days I am facing Loneliness, and a huge urge to write, say what I Feel.

The worst kind of loneliness is when you are surrounded by people, but you still feel alone, when you have many friends, but nothing to do, when you have time, efforts and will but no target to utilize all those things in.

In the past 2 years I was finishing my 2 last years of exams of collage, and they passed :), strange as it may sound they passed, and as i always say, I am a living example of how our examination system and education paradox is totality Fucked up.

I made some advancements in the organisations I am volunteering in I was elected the president 2 times, finished some major problems and I think I am still doing a good job.

Enough of the past, I hope in the coming days I will focus on the present.

I am an Intern in Zagazig University Hospitals, and if you don't know what does that means, Wait for my next post.

A Post Too Good To be Forgotten

2008-04-12T04:07:00.000-07:00

Read this post and the attached articles,

Forget the message itself, see through the meanings, The meanings of her actions, She wasn't forced to do anything, but because she wanted to something, The Power Of Believing In Something,

I have never heard anything about her before, but i really regret it.

Read the Story >>Here<<

My Freedom and Their Authority

2008-04-09T12:25:00.000-07:00

Nowadays I am living the problem of most our generation, I want more freedom, and my parents don't think I deserve it.

Before I proceed lets review some facts:

I am 22 years old (next august ISA).

I am a fifth medical student.

I am Taller than my father and mother (180 cm). I am just drawing you a picture.

Now back to the main subject, I see that I deserve my freedom, I am not a kid anymore, my collages in school are working in their jobs now, one of them actually is waiting his FIRST BABY in a few months, I have no hand in being in a long school, I have no hand in being in a community that the only way for a man to leave his father's house except to his own with his wife.

My parents in the same time think that I am not up to it, that I am misusing this freedom.

I have a few words that I must get out or something is going to happen to me, and in the same time I can't get it out to them, so here it comes.

Freedom : I think it is the one's ability to choose, as long as he is not harming or affecting anyone else he is FREE to do what he want, If he is breaking some Devinne rules god is responsible to punish him in this life or in the after life, as long he is not trying to do harm to any one else, even though his choices are harming himself, and I am saying EVEN IF, no sane person will ever choose something that he knows it will hurt him, unless the gain he is going to receive is more than that harm.

Lets go back to their standard replies, " You are living in my house, until you find a house of your own or another one make as u want " , I am not living in your house because you are making charity on me , I am living in your house because you lived in your fathers house, I am living in your house because it is part of your responsibility towards me, as it is a responsibility on me to respect you and honor you, it is not because you bay me or because I live in your house, why then people ask their children to respect them and honor them after they are married, they are not living in their houses anymore, they are not forced to do it, they do it because they want to, it is part of their respect to their selves if they are will raised to respect their parents, not because they are paying me to.

Another reply, " You don't know the good way to your self, you are destroying yourself ", Where is my freedom if all my choices are monitored and can be reversed without my will, may be it is not the good road in your eyes but what about mine?? may be I see another thing, may be I don't Scale with the same standards, either social or economic or even religious.

Another Thing, "You are still a student, your work now is to study when you finish do what you want", OK so the only barrier is that I am a student, so if I choose to end that barrier right now the problem will be over, but hey wait a minute, you don't have the right to end that barrier because you are still young, you don't know the sound route, and if you tried to overcome that barrier by working while you are still a student, for them it is just a kids play, it is not real working, because you are still a student, can any one solve this dilemma?

"You still need to be raised, we failed in raising you", OMG, really Oh My God, I am a 22 years old person, if you didn't raise me well in the past 20 years, are you going to fix it now?, how come you want to change me now, you have worked hard in the past years in raising me , the time has come to stand back , give me my space, and hope for the best, it is the time to see the result of your work, the exam is now being marked, can you say please I want to change my answers now? Can you?. You must hold back and wait to the see your results because the time of solving the exam up.

"You were good before, what happened to you", it is the same old me, just because I am asking for my privacy, and asking for my right to choose, I am suddenly all gone bad???

Every one of our parents want us to be the first on his grade, and the most athlete in the club, and the smartest and most genius in the world, the most handsome/beautiful among his/her group, the most one to relay on, the best one to stand in the hard times, the leader of the world and the kindest towards the week.

Have anyone told them that we all bear the name SUPERMAN?, I can't be all that, why cant u settle down to most of these characters, why can't you accept me as I am, may be I am not the fastest but may be I am the smartest, why you keep looking on the fast character, if you just diverted your vision a little to the right you will find that there is a character or more that you like and I am good at.

Give me my Space, Accept me as I am, as long as I am respecting you, and doing some good, please stop pushing me, one day I won't stand the pressure anymore, you sound upbringings are holding well till now, but every thing has a limit, may be that limit won't come, and I hope that too, but I can't grantee it, I am not threatening , and I wont ever do, but I had to get these thoughts out, or they would have killed me.

We Were Great Once

2008-03-07T15:55:00.000-08:00

I am not the kind you take as an obvious religious person - i am not saying this because i am proud of it or because I like it but this is how I at least see myself -, So this topic is not from a view of one of those nice people who are sure of themselves, it is from an average person.

Today when I wake up - at 12.20 am - my mother was watching the TV, and my computer was not free so i said why don't I share her, and on the screen was a movie I have seen a lot before Al-Ressalah or The Message, and the wonderful movie took me, then a scene came up, The one of Badr battle, the one where Saidona Hamza was standing along with Saidona Ali and Saidona Obaida - Radia Allah 3anhom game3an - to meet 3 of the strongest warriors of their enemies by then.

I Don't know why, but I felt like crying, those were our ancestors, those are - and deserve to be - our role models, we were strong once before, we were as Muslims filled with believe to stand in front of the wrong and say no, even though we were much less in numbers and much less in equipments, but we were much more in belief, we had an inner strength enough to shake the mountains itself.

We were much more more great once before, we were worthy of the name a Muslim, there was a time when it is enough pride to you to hold your head high and say " I am A Muslim " and that is not because you have the power or the money or the authority, but because you had the belief, and because you belonged to something bigger, you had a bigger purpose in life than to live your life, you had a life time target, an endless group life time target.

And I am not talking about the time when Islam was a great empire that extended among the horizon of the globe, i am not talking about the time when the whole system was Islamic, I am talking about the time when Muslims were a minority, when they were kicked outside their homes, living abroad, when they were weak in all eyes except theirs because no one else saw the strength of their believe.

They deserved to be called Muslims, they suffered a lot not to be mentioned in history books, not to the glory, but because they believed.

Now we are all called Muslims, but do we deserve to be called this, we are now humiliated all around the world not because the world is a bad place waiting to eat us, but because we went bad, we went weak, we - or most of us - lost the source of their inner strength, we are in a real world, you are what you make of yourself, you are not what your ancestors were, you are living today, What Are You??

And Since it all started with the movie I will Quote the comment written on IMDB by an user there on the movie page.

most amazing experience, 10 October 2004
Author: marialette from Northumberland

I saw this film when I was working and living in Brussels in 1979. Most of my friends were North African, ergo Muslim. When this film came out, we all went to the Bourse Cinema. The film itself was very enlightening, and the fact that Mohammed himself was never 'in the picture' (so to speak) I found contributing to the profoundness of the film. What really struck me was that when in the film religious (holy) verses (like psalms) were sung or played, the whole audience would reverently sing along. Very moving.

Of course, it was 25 years ago, and I cannot remember a lot of it, but it was my first encounter with Islam and made a major impact.

This is just a small sign for those who thinks that the outside world is all waiting to eat us alive, people see you as you show yourself to them.

I wrote the first Sentence in this topic for a reason, I am not that good, I am not the perfect one nor by any means near to it, it is just a surge of thoughts i had and i felt like writing down.

I am really sorry but I ask you not to comment on this subject, these are personal feelings, very personal in my case, so please forgive me for asking.

The O.R. & The Internal Medicine

2008-02-27T16:43:00.000-08:00

Today i had two totally different situations

The First

Is that for the first time I attended my General Internal Medicine round, and it was Shocking, the patient was a woman of something like 22-24 years, a simple peasant who her bad luck and lack of money for paid medical care drove her into our glorious hospital. And the Clinical Round started, we were about 12 students, a professor and a small doctor.

The Professor started to explain to us some facts on the patient and how are mean examiners are going to ask us, how we are supposed to dodge their question and how is the best way to answer them.
Then he asked us to start our examination.

One of us stepped forward to start the examination, and the Professor asked us all to approach in order to see the case and our friend's examination, our friends started the examination and the professor asked another to examine the pulse in the other hand of the patient, another to examine her left foot and another to examine her right foot. so by total there were about at least FOUR hands on the Female patient, all applying pressure, feeling and examining.

This was not the end, he asked her to revel her abdomen to start the abdominal examination, and the show continued, She was trying to cover herself every while as a weak sign of protest, but we kept reveling her, she was hopeless and powerless.

I Imagined myself in the patient shoes and asked my self, how would I feel? Humiliated? or Degraded? or would I consider my self as a human being at all? When they were teaching us, they told us that we are going to be doctors. Doctors who will know secrets of the houses, who will see things that no others will see, and that we shall up to this hard task and keep the patients secrets. They taught us that we will deal with humans in their weakest states the state of sickness, a state which turn the most might into a weak, defeated person, and that we have to respect that, we have to keep in mind that we are treating humans, we have lives in our hands, and that God trusted us on the lives of his creatures and and and to the end of all that long speech.
How come when we see them working, they don't care about all that and they as us to care!!??
How come we shall respect their teachings when they themselves are the first ones to break it!!??
How Am I supposed to learn while I feel i am degrading another human being?

At the end I thanked God that i have the power to stand on my legs, and not be in her shoes, and i asked him to preserve anyone I know from the same fate.

The Second

Is that for the First time in my life I also enter an Operating Room, i was passing by a friend of mine by chance, and there was a case scheduled for an operation and he invited me to scrub in to watch and observe, and I did.

The Feeling was intoxicating, I - the one watching - felt a huge surge of power, so i can't imagine the power he was feeling behind the blade, as he opens retract the muscle and flesh, control the small bleeders, and finishes the operation.

I Could only say WOW, and for the coincidence there was also a senior doctor supervising on the operation, also he is a surgeon who is supposed to be cold blooded, stone hearted and impatient, he was very caring, very careful on the patient, very friendly with the stuff in he OR also me who he didn't know even my name. He kept asking my friend to take care, he kept asking him why we do this, and why we do that. he kept explaining every thing to him before he actually do anything although my friend has performed this operation before but he was reminding him, ensuring him and making sure he is doing his best, and how after my friend finished the operation he checked and made the post operative care himself.

I am not saying that both are standards, they are both just examples, but to my luck i meet both in the same day, and saw both situations in the same day, when i started this article i was planing to write about the feelings I had in the OR and how I thought that I need to this again, but i found myself writing what you read. I don't know why but it just happened.

The Juice Is Worth The Squeeze

2008-02-23T17:39:00.001-08:00

It's funny, I have this whole speech prepared...
...and I've been practicing for weeks...
...but you know what?
I'm just gonna go with it.
Moral fiber.
So, what is moral fiber? I mean....
It's funny, I used to think it was always telling the truth...
...doing good deeds.
You know, basically being a ****ing Boy Scout.
But lately, I've been seeing it differently.
Now I think that moral fiber's about...
...finding that one thing you really care about.
That one special thing that means more...
...to you than anything else in the world.
And when you find her...
...you fight for her. You risk it all.
...your future, your life...
You put her in front of everything...
...all of it.
And maybe the stuff you do to help her isn't so clean.
You know what? It doesn't matter.
Because in your heart you know...
...that the juice is worth the squeeze.
That's what moral fiber's all about.

A Quote Form The Movie The Girl Next Door

The Start

2008-02-20T10:49:00.000-08:00

Hi All

This is the first time I try to write something - unless you can count some foolish tries when i was younger -.

I don't know what made me start writing, some of my friends have been asking to do it for a Long time but i never felt like it, but some moment comes and you feel like this is, you are writing, you writing not because you want to write, but because you don't want to sit alone, you don't want to sit to your thoughts ravishing your head, tearing your internals apart, at that moment you may grab your pen (Keyboard Nowadays) and start typing.

A lot has been going on with me these past days, some of them are happy and others are not. but life goes on, and it doesn't stop for you, it keeps running, doesn't wait for you, doesn't wait till you recover from your sadness or depression, As if it is telling you "You Fool, what do you think of yourself? Do you think you are someone special? Do you think just cause you are a little depressed and thinks that your life is bad that the whole Universe will stop and wait for you till you get better? Get Up and move on no one is going to wait for you, Catch Up."

So why don't we listen and catch up?, because we are humans, and we are all some how to a degree self-centered we all -To a level Of course- think that that whole universe is created around us and to serve us, and because we are humans we have feelings, feelings that can block our logic and make us do things we may not approve for other people, like falling apart and lagging behind.

See that at any Funeral we call go to the dead's relative and we ask him to hold himself together and be a man, etc etc etc to the end of all that nonsense, see anyone of those who are saying all that when someone dear to him dies, you won't find him as he was asking the other to be, you will find him crying, depressed and maybe destroyed. that is not wrong, it is the core of the right because that is what makes us humans, that is what makes us different from Rocks and Mountains.

As you may have noticed, i am not someone, i am someone different, I haven't reached a conclusion about myself yet, but i am trying and all I have reached is that i am different than others, different from the Bulk, that may be good and may be bad, but it is me, and i have learned to live with it.

Thanks for the time that you spent reading those meanings lines, if they helped you to create and Idea about me please don't hesitate to share with me, all ideas are welcomed may be you will help me to define myself one day.